I have this habit where I seem to only write blog posts when I’m sad or come to realize something new. Buuut a lot of exciting changes have happened that I feel should be expressed!
This weekend, Jesse and I moved! Woooo. Where to? 15 minutes away lol. The move isn’t very far. We didn’t move for any job or location purposes; we really just needed a bigger place. We were living in an apartment with extremely loud upstairs neighbors. Their dogs were absurdly loud and somehow 2 average-sized people sounded like 5 passive aggressive yeti monsters stomping around their apartment every day. We also slowly collected so. many. things….that I felt trapped and cramped in the apartment. It was dark and somewhat miserable. Soo we are now renting a home!
The home has 3 bedrooms and SO much space, especially for storage. There is a tremendous amount of light from windows and I love it. We will have a bedroom, an office, and “the giraffe room.” I’m mostly excited for the giraffe room, which will be my little sanctuary/guest bedroom. I have…a crazy amount of giraffe thingsss that will be allocated to this room, ha. Stuffed animals, a 6.5 foot wooden statue, a lesser-statue of 3 feet, a bronze statue, a mantle ornament, and countless other items. It. will. be. great. The office is also exciting; in the apartment, we didn’t have much space to fit a desk. So Jesse had his desktop computer…and I did not. I have a Windows Surface with no real space to prop up, except for my bed. I’m all for laying lazily in a bed with a computer :p but.. When you need to answer emails, do business-y stuff, etc, it’s extremely inconvenient. So we are going to fit a bigger desk and set up a desktop for me to use as well. Yeee. I wish I could bring you in and show you everything!!
The neighbors are also soo nice. When we first saw the place, I noticed they have a chicken coop. When we met them, one of the first things they said was, “if you need anything, let us know! We have extra eggs!” and I nearly peed myself with excitement. I like them.
The town is nice too. It reminds me of the town I grew up in. Close to the city, yet quiet and far away enough to not feel the effects like traffic from the city. It’s small and calm.
During the winter, I wrote about uncertainty of the future and continuous day-to-day sadness. I do have a pattern of hating New Years Day and being sad around it, but these feelings lasted through the winter months… It worried me for a while, given my past issues with depression years ago. With the new home though, I feel polar opposite. I do fear the future still. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m okay with it and it doesn’t stress me out daily. I always had a vision of how my life would be; I imagined going to school, working some jobs, and eventually working up to a position at the CDC (my dream job). Well I ended up at the CDC much sooner than expected…3 weeks after graduating school. And currently, I’m not too certain that I want to be here forever like I imagined. I have a sort of “k well….now what….” feeling. I don’t want to get a higher degree, yet it’s almost essential here if I expect to be taken seriously. Advancing positions is a lot more difficult without a higher degree. While everyone expects me to “achieve greatness” by getting a PhD, it’s not what I want… Thinking about going to grad school depresses me. I’ve come to accept this; I know that I need to do what makes me happiest rather than live through other people’s vision of me. I don’t know what I intend to do instead, and that’s okay. I just know that right now in this moment, I am happy.
I’ve considered the route of food/nutrition, but right now I don’t know where that would come in. I just know that during work all day I’m thinking about food, baking, creations… I’ve always been a creative person and I need some sort of outlet for it; my current position doesn’t allow for this creativity to flourish. It’s funny because in high school I always said to myself “my plan B is to own a bakery” but I was mostly joking. Before I got healthy and changed my lifestyle, I loved to bake cupcakes. So I’d say “I’ll just do that for a living.” But now, it seems like my plan B is becoming more like plan A. I dunnoooooooo. But I’m excited to see how this less predictable life turns out. Just enjoying where I am now and not worrying so much.
In some sort of effort to escape work for a bit and just relax and take time for myself, I’m taking a vacation to Los Angeles with Jesse in October! I have always wanted to go and do touristy things there. I also have a few friends I want to visit, probably some Instagram friends too! Also, Jesse has never been on an airplane and I want him to experience that :) It will be real nice to go on the trip together. If anyone has suggestions on what to see/eat/do there, let me know! We will be there for 6 days so we have plenty of time to explore.
Anyways, I’ve got to finish unpacking a lot of stuff still. I hate having boxes upon boxes upon boxes scattered throughout the house. Mostly just because it feels so disorganized, and I can’t keep anything straight. Can’t wait until we’re all settled in and box-less within about a week or so.
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